It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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