It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
