Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think I sprained my soul last night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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