i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
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Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
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you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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