Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
