Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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