I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
