rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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