in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
