If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
