Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
