Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
