is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
