i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Text me some of your sweat
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
