i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
