I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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