Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
whose ass print is on the piano?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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