i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
