Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
