He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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