I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
