Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
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I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize