oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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