Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
