Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
