I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
