I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
