apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
