she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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