I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
