I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
