I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
