just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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