So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
