omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
