Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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