I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
