Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
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I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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