I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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