Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
