Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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