I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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