Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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