I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
