The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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