Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
