3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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