I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
