I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
