thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
