Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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