I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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