Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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