what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
