A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
