Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
