theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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