I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
