he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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