he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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