My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
