Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
