Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
