Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
