I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
