I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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