what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
