My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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