actually, I'm a sock model
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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