What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
