i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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