I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
